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You’re Not Lazy, You’re Disconnected From Your Emotional Needs. Here’s How To Fix It

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio | Pexels

I don’t like the word “lazy”, because it’s an unfair judgement of someone that barely scratches the surface of what’s really going on.

Nothing is easier than labelling someone “lazy” when they don’t meet certain expectations, or when you simply don’t feel like doing something.

We don’t like feeling — or being called — “lazy” because it feels uncomfortable. And when it feels uncomfortable, it’s because it’s a judgement.

Picture this: you’ve been lying on the couch, scrolling through social media for hours, when suddenly you’re hit with that guilty feeling, because you feel like you should be doing something else instead. And yet, you still can’t bring yourself to do anything else.

What if, maybe, in that moment, “laziness” is actually the uncomfortable feeling of being disconnected from passion, drive and purpose?

What if it happens because there is a disconnection between the action being done, and how you would rather be spending your time instead?

Or, it could be even simpler. What if it’s simply a very real need to slow down and rest?

We label ourselves lazy because it’s an easy way to explain why we’re not doing what we think we should be doing. But, what if instead of judging ourselves, we approached those moments with curiosity?

What if we dug deeper to understand the root causes of this disconnection?

Next time you catch yourself thinking you’re lazy, stop, acknowledge it, and ask yourself these questions:

  • What is the real uncomfortable emotion/feeling behind this judgement? Is it guilt? Fear? Tiredness? Apathy?

  • What is the “should” statement that is driving this judgement? What is it that you think you “should” be doing instead?

  • Why are you not doing the thing you think you should be doing?

Be honest. Does the task feel boring, or pointless? Then maybe you have unmet needs for impact. Do you refuse to do it because it doesn’t align with your values? In that case, maybe your needs for autonomy are going unmet. Or are you simply tired? Then all you need to do is rest.

The goal is not to push you to do the task, or to find motivation to do it, but to discover the root of the disconnection.

When we lack clarity of why we are doing something, it becomes challenging to get the motivation to do it.

For instance, if we view a particular task as meaningless, it’s natural to feel unmotivated. I’m proposing that you use these feelings as an opportunity to reconnect with your emotional needs that are going unmet. Then, at the end, you might even find yourself motivated to do the thing you were avoiding.

How to overcome disconnection and rediscover power and purpose

To overcome the disconnection that fuels this judgement of laziness, it’s crucial to take steps towards reconnecting with yourself and what fuels you.

Take a moment to reflect on your passions, goals and aspirations.

What fires you up and makes your soul sing?

See if you can align the things you need to do now with with those passions, or at least to infuse your life with them, even if in small doses.

When you’re working towards something that truly matters to you, you get motivation to do the other boring stuff quicker, because it then gives you more time to engage with the things you truly care about.

Here are a few writing prompts that can help you rediscover passion:

  • If I could be doing anything right now, what would I be doing?

  • If money wasn’t an issue, what would I be doing with my life?

  • When was the last time I felt alive, and what was I doing?

What do you think?


Hi! I’m creating products that help people reconnect with themselves through their emotions, needs, vulnerabilities, imperfections, and all the beautiful things that make us human.

In late August / early September 2024, I’m launching the jornee app, aiming to empower people to reclaim control of their emotional well-being, by learning to tune into their unmet emotional needs. You can sign up for early access here.

If you want to learn more about emotional freedom, jornee and our mission, consider signing up for jornee or following us on social media to stay in touch.

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